Commercial: Power Pumpz for Men
Devon Walker, Bowen Yang, Chloe Fineman, Ego Nwodim, Marcello Hernandez, Elliot Page, Andrew Dismukes.
INT. GYM - DAY
DEVON is dressed in workout clothes, looking sweaty and focused as he does push-ups. The scene is shot in black and white.
DEVON (V.O): What makes a man a man? It's not about stacking paper, flexing cars or chasing women. (CUT TO: Devon does bicep curls.) It's not about the man next to you. It's about the man inside you. (CUT TO: Devon does cable flies.) It's about standing as a king. A king protects. A king provides. (CUT TO: Devon does a barbell bench press.) A king pumps. No, not that chest pump.
CUT TO:
INT. BREAK ROOM - DAY
BOWEN is wearing Power Pumpz for Men.
BOWEN: This chest pump. Better pumps mean better gains, for you and your baby. Get your max pump with Power Pumpz for Men. It's easy to use. There are 6 suction settings from beginner all the way to turbo so you can achieve progressive overload. Pump for 10, rest for 10 for 3 sets, and BAM! You're dominating your domain, king. Power Pumpz for Men comes in 3 different models. (CUT TO: graphics showing the models.)
BOWEN (V.O.): There's classic "Old Salt" blue, high-efficiency "Full-Time Logger" brown for double-pumping, and "Steel Grit" gray with special flanges for sensitive nipples.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. BREAK ROOM - DAY
BOWEN: Ultra-quiet? Forget it. Power Pumpz for Men promises never to go below 80 decibels when it's on. And it can even throw in a grunt for you to push through a hard rep, for that extra bit of power.
He presses a button on his Power Pumpz. It makes a grunting sound.
The camera suddenly pans right to CHLOE, EGO, and ANDREW.
CHLOE: Kevin, that's great, but can we talk? Our work fridge is mostly for things like veggies and dip, PB and J sandwiches, and chickpea salad.
BOWEN: Yeah, what's the problem?
EGO: The problem is some of your coworkers are a little frustrated. Not only do your milk bottles take up the entire middle shelf but you also store your pump-parts in the deli drawer. That's prime real estate. Can we stop the manspreading in the fridge?
The camera pans left to MARCELLO and ELLIOT. They are also wearing Power Pumpz for Men.
MARCELLO: We can't help it that we live in beast mode 24/7. That's just how we roll. Don't hate us cuz you see our gainz in the fridge.
ELLIOT: How do you produce so much, by the way? Here are you guys getting nearly a gallon a day and I'm barely averaging 500 ml.
BOWEN: It's all about hydration, bro. You gotta slam back that H2O. And smash those protein goals. 3 eggs? That's only 18 grams of protein. Try 6 eggs. You gotta fuel up and lock in if you want to pump like a king.
ELLIOT: Thanks, bro!
ANDREW: Also, do you really need to pump in the break room? We have a lactation room that literally nobody uses.
ELLIOT: Hey, you want to call yourself a man? A real man protects. He provides. He pumps. He pumps free and proud, like the bison that once roamed the Great Plains. My name is Amos, I am a power-pumper, and I say all power to the power-pumpers!
Ego opens up the crisper drawer.
EGO: P-ew! It smells like hot sourpuss in there!
MARCELLO: That's the fermented breast milk. The Lactobacillus casei supercharges your baby's gut with natural killer cells, so your muchachita or muchachito can be ready to fight the war against infection as soon as they're born. It's science.
EGO: Okay, I'm out.
DEVON (V.O): What makes a man a man? Money doesn't maketh man. Muscles don't maketh man. Milk maketh man. Power Pumpz for Men. For when you want to pump like a king.